Is the spirit leading me or is my heart just pounding?

Tonight, I was chilling in the hot tub at Splash Harbor, when I struck up a conversation with a woman. She had mentioned how her pastor's wife had recommended Splash Harbor for a simple getaway with the kids. I started to just drop the conversation, but I had the thought to bring up the fact that she mentioned her pastor's wife, and ask her if she was a Christian. I did after a little while because I was afraid she'd think I was weird. But almost immediately after that conversation, I started feeling the urge to ask the gentleman across the hot tub the same question: "Are you a christian?" I dropped it, thinking it wasn't anything, but my heart started pounding, and I felt it grow heavy. Not like upset heavy, but .. burden heavy, like I was getting excited about this. But I wasn't ... I felt excited to talk to this man about being a Christian, but I was NOT excited at all. So, I kept relaxing in the hot tub. The thought didn't go away, though. Where did it come from? This urge to ask this man i DIDN'T know if he was a christian. I found myself running scenarios through my head .. maybe he had been thinking about becoming a christian for a long time, but couldn't find the means to go to church or something, so my question would lead him to start asking me questions about God and he would suddenly get saved or something. Those scenarios didn't stop coming, but i kept thinking 'I can't do anything like that for God - plus I'm too scared!' and the 'what ifs' started coming.

Finally, I stood up, with every intention of submitting to what I considered might be God's leading, and lost the courage LAST SECOND and just climbed out of the hot tub. I kept walking, and felt SO guilty. kept feeling as if I had let God down.

So after a minute or so, I turned back around and traveled back to the hot tub with every intention to do 'God's will' and ask this man if he was a christian ...

He was gone.

It has been two hours since that happened, and yet my heart still feels heavy as if i missed an oppurtunity for God. I don't know if this was what God wanted me to do, and I will never know since I didn't take a risk. But I won't let that get to me. I'll pray that either God lets me see that man once again tomorrow, or that He'll give me another oppurtunity some other time with someone else. And next time, I'll listen.

The moral of all of this? Even if you don't know if it's God or not ... which I believe tonight, it was ... just take the risk. Go for it. Because you never know what might happen when you take it.

Monica <3