'[Don't Waste Your Pain]'

A wise pastor once told me 'Don't waste your pain' and it has stuck with me. Okay, so it's only been since yesterday evening, but I think it will stick with me for a long time.

I've been through many things, many heartaches, many trials, many many adversities and many temptations. But all of that put together in my life creates a beauty that only God can make something from. And He has. He's created a girl who has a passion for serving Him and has found her purpose and calling in life and wishes to whole-heartily serve Him through that. He's created a masterpiece, just as He has with each of you.

Don't waste your pain. Don't throw away what you see as 'not good enough'. Don't turn away from God because of pain. Instead, watch as God transforms it into something beyond what you could have ever imagined.

Isaiah 64:8 "⁸ Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand. "


Jeremiah 18:^{5 5}Then the word of the LORD came to me: ⁶ "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.



We are like clay in the potter's hands, being slowly, delicately, fearfully & wonderfully, made into something beautiful.

Hold on. God's got a masterpiece to create.

Monica <3

Why are you downcast?

Psalm 43:5 (New International Version)

⁵ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

I have no reason to be downcast, depressed, weighed down. My circumstances WILL NOT weigh down my praise to my Heavenly, Glorious, WONDERFUL Savior God.

Micah 7:8 :

⁸ Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the LORD will be my light.

Though I feel as if darkness is creeping in, the LORD my God will be my light. For light always defeats darkness when it is called on, and I call on my God, my light, my hope in a losing situation.

Monica <3

QUESTIONS

How could He do this?
Die for me?
my sin was on His back,
My hand beat Him...
yet He died loving me...

ME..

Jesus Christ loves a sinner,
died for a sinner...

ME.


Why?
Why did He die for me?
Why not die for the ones who loved Him?
You know ...Peter, Mary, John ..
Why die for me?
The sick, twisted, sinner I am?

Why?

Because He came as a Healer to heal the sick,
And a Savior to save the sinful ...


ME.




Back when I was a cutter, I had a habit of loving God one moment, and cutting myself the next because I chose to ignore God's voice and instead fall into another spiral ... I was a twisted sinner ... someone who chose this sin .. over God. and many of us do .. so this note is for everyone .. everyone who at some point in their life .. chose sin over God. we all have.

But Jesus Christ died for that moment when we would choose sin over God. He died so we could be forgiven and turn away from the sin.

He died loving us.... because while we were still sinners, Christ died for us...

Surrender

The sins ... (our sins)
The grief ... (our grief)
The BURDEN (our burden)

ALL laid on Him.
Because He loved us enough to surrender
His will, His comfort..
To instead, show us grace...

Can't we surrender, too?


Thank-You, Father God

"Yet not my will, but yours be done." ~Jesus Christ

In His Palm (Easter Vigil thoughts 2)

What do we put in the palm of our hand?

Something small, fragile, maybe broken ...



We are small, fragile, broken, afraid ...

But God has us in the palm of His hand because He knows we are all of those things, but MORE.

We are not just fragile, we are special to Him. We are His children .. and in the palm of His hand, we shall stay, to be protected from this storms of life, loved, adored, and comforted .. He is our refuge, our strength ...


May God hold YOU in the palm of His hand ..

Monica <3

He is Alive! (Easter Vigil thoughts 1)

Today I went to Grace Fellowship's Easter Vigil ... God revealed a lot to me, more than I thought I could ever comprehend ...

I had been through three stations b4 i made it to the 'Living in the Storms' station, room #4. But the one that stuck in my mind was 'Alive!' .. I kept thinking, 'How do we know that our God is alive?' I mean, I know He is ... but how do I know? What in me makes me KNOW that? And then I look out the window, and outside is this BEAUTIFUL, breath-taking view of the lake ...

the wind was bad today, so the lake had ripples in it ... it was MOVING, refusing to stand still ...

it was ALIVE.

The wind made the water look alive, vibrant ... not stagnant and uninspiring ...

I think the water looks more beautiful when the wind has created ripples, when it's smooth, perfect surface becomes rippled and uneven.

Just like our life is more beautiful when it's not smooth, perfect, or untouched. Our life is beautiful, our GOD is beautiful, when we see the wind, the storms in life, create ripples in our life that tear up the perfection we wanted ... when we can see the God we serve holding us in His arms with love and compassion to carry us through the storms.

We know the God we serve is alive because the storms in life, the wind and the rain, show He's alive. Without them, we wouldn't see the hope, love, comfort, and peace that God has offered us through the storms in life ...




Jimmy Needham - Hurricane

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

CHORUS
I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

(Chorus)

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

(Chorus)

Come be my hurricane




"We are made beautiful and a light grows within us through trials. The storms in life wear away at our life, but expose the beautiful thing that comes through the perseverance" ~Monica Taylor

With love on Easter weekend,
Monica <3>

Is the spirit leading me or is my heart just pounding?

Tonight, I was chilling in the hot tub at Splash Harbor, when I struck up a conversation with a woman. She had mentioned how her pastor's wife had recommended Splash Harbor for a simple getaway with the kids. I started to just drop the conversation, but I had the thought to bring up the fact that she mentioned her pastor's wife, and ask her if she was a Christian. I did after a little while because I was afraid she'd think I was weird. But almost immediately after that conversation, I started feeling the urge to ask the gentleman across the hot tub the same question: "Are you a christian?" I dropped it, thinking it wasn't anything, but my heart started pounding, and I felt it grow heavy. Not like upset heavy, but .. burden heavy, like I was getting excited about this. But I wasn't ... I felt excited to talk to this man about being a Christian, but I was NOT excited at all. So, I kept relaxing in the hot tub. The thought didn't go away, though. Where did it come from? This urge to ask this man i DIDN'T know if he was a christian. I found myself running scenarios through my head .. maybe he had been thinking about becoming a christian for a long time, but couldn't find the means to go to church or something, so my question would lead him to start asking me questions about God and he would suddenly get saved or something. Those scenarios didn't stop coming, but i kept thinking 'I can't do anything like that for God - plus I'm too scared!' and the 'what ifs' started coming.

Finally, I stood up, with every intention of submitting to what I considered might be God's leading, and lost the courage LAST SECOND and just climbed out of the hot tub. I kept walking, and felt SO guilty. kept feeling as if I had let God down.

So after a minute or so, I turned back around and traveled back to the hot tub with every intention to do 'God's will' and ask this man if he was a christian ...

He was gone.

It has been two hours since that happened, and yet my heart still feels heavy as if i missed an oppurtunity for God. I don't know if this was what God wanted me to do, and I will never know since I didn't take a risk. But I won't let that get to me. I'll pray that either God lets me see that man once again tomorrow, or that He'll give me another oppurtunity some other time with someone else. And next time, I'll listen.

The moral of all of this? Even if you don't know if it's God or not ... which I believe tonight, it was ... just take the risk. Go for it. Because you never know what might happen when you take it.

Monica <3

Overwhelmed by His presence.

As I come into Your presence
Past the gates of praise
Into Your sanctuary
Til we're standing face to face
I look upon Your countenance
I see the glory of Your Holy face
I can only bow down and say...

You are awesome in this place, Mighty God
You are awesome in this place, Abba Father
You are worthy of all praise
To You our hands we raise
You are awesome in this place, Mighty God




You are awesome, Mighty God - I lift my hands to praise You as I fall to my knees, feeling overwhelmed by Your glory and love. Oh, my Lord, you are my Savior, my Redeemer, my Comfort. Thank-You, Lord God Almighty, for Your presence. I am overwhelmed by Your majesty. I am overwhelmed by Your mercy! Lord, keep me close to You, hold me in Your arms at night and in times of trial. Hold me at all times of the day, Lord. I want to stay close to You! You, Lord, get me through!


So, last night the youth group just surrendered themselves to God and worshiped. It was overwhelming, and I was on my face worshiping my Lord and Savior. I had a perfect view of the cross, and it was slightly lit by a light on the altar .. and I got lost in my tears ... lost in worship. I got lost in praising my King, my GOD.

Majesty,
Overwhelming majesty.
In Your presence, I feel a touch,
Of peace,
In Your presence, is a blanket,
Of hope.
In Your presence, is a showering,
Of LOVE.
In Your presence ...
In Your presence...
IN YOUR PRESENCE...

I don't see anything but You.




Monica <3

While others are looking for hope ... we're tucking it away.

1 Corinthians 9:22-23

22When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. ²³ I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings.


I was just thinking about that song, 'Stained Glass Masquerade' by Casting Crowns .. and then the song 'Looking for Angels' by Skillet .. both songs are GREAT songs about getting the message of Christ across ... but the twist on both, is that they both deal with how we DON'T do it.

For instance, in Stained Glass Masquerade, it talks about how we seem to hide God's hope from the rest of the world .. because we're afraid that if we show them that we needed it and still do, they'll see us as weak ..

God's hope doesn't work that way! God's strength doesn't work that way! Pastor Mark reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures that says that HIS POWER WORKS BEST IN OUR WEAKNESS! so the power of the Holy God is shown in our weakness .. when we call on Him, His power, strength, love and MERCY is shown.

We must show a dying and hurting world that there is HOPE for the hurting, REST for the weary, and STRENGTH for the weak! We cannot do that by hiding away our weakness ...

Monica <3

Stained Glass Masquerade - Casting Crowns


Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is CONVINCING
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus x2

Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Save the World

still can't believe it ... don't want to believe it, but must. notes? they found notes? No ... I don't believe it. Misunderstandings? It's got to be ... to love the Lord and lose all hope ... just doesn't make sense ... to tell about hope, but not find it yourself ... i don't get it.


He plays a part, the happy kid,
He's got a smile on his face.
He's the one that's there to comfort friends,
And believes what he says.

But inside ..
A battle is raging ..
And inside ...
His heart is aching.

Could we have saved him?
Could we have known what he felt?
Could we have helped him?
Been there to show him that
The one that he knew
Could save the world ...
Could save him, too.

She comes to school all dressed in black,
She hides the cuts on her arm.
As she pastes on her brave face,
She tells herself, 'It won't be long,'

'Cause inside ...
Satan is using,
His tricks and lies,
Her heart he's abusing.

Could we have saved her?
Should we have known what she felt?
Couldn't we have helped her?
Been there to tell her that
The one that we know
Can save the world ...
Can save her, too.




no end part yet .. i've got to fit it to music first ... somehow ... if possible .. but writing helps me clear things up in my head ...

When it rains ... it may pour ... but the SON will shine again.

MonicaDee <3